Still alive
by hamlet-972
Summary: Is it so hard to say 'I love you? Is it so hard to say 'I never want to lose you? To some people it is. And Draco Malfoy is one of them. Songfic SLASH HPDM


**disclaimer: **I'm not rich, British or anything else J.K. Rowling is.... except a female.

A/N: I just hate this song. It makes me depressed. I hate all lovesongs. They all make me depressed. But it's soooo beautiful. If you have heard it, you know what I mean. It's Negative's Still alive. And this is slash.

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_These are those days when I can get no sleep_

_I'm so tired I'd like to fall into sleep_

_I fall in my bed_

_But still I'm awake_

Harry Potter lay on his bed stared the ceiling. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. He felt so tired he could die. Draco was killing him.

After they had stopped denying and hiding their feelings Harry had been more tired than ever. It felt like it was impossible to satisfy Draco. Sometimes Harry thought that maybe he was with him only because of the sex. But then he remembered how Draco looked at him in Great Hall.

Harry's friends couldn't understand why Harry was always so tired. But they didn't know where he always was before returning Gryffindor tower.

Harry wasn't sure what he felt for his... Lover? Boyfriend? He wasn't even sure what Draco was to him.

_These questions in my mind are so much bigger than life_

_When my life is sold I have to leave them behind_

_I have to try to forget _

_That I am still in my bed_

Draco Malfoy sat in an armchair in a dark corner of Slytherin's common room. He was so lost in his thoughts that he couldn't hear or see anything.

He was thinking about last night. Not the part he spent with Harry in Astronomy tower. He couldn't get his nightmare out of his head.

# Draco ran in the dark and empty castle. He didn't know what he was looking for or why he was running. He heard echoing laugh. He ran towards it.

He ran pass a window. It was raining blood outside.

Draco opened the doors and stepped outside in the blood rain. He saw Harry sitting on the stairs and cutting deep cuts in his arms and torso.

Draco tried to shout his name but he had lost his voice somewhere. Harry stood up and walked to the lake. Draco ran after him. He tried to yell at Harry but he had no voice. Harry didn't seem to see him.

Harry spread his hand and jumped in the blood of the lake. Draco finally got his voice back and shouted Harry's name. #

_In my deepest fears I'm losing you_

_Even if somebody tried to stop my heart _

_I'm still alive I will never give up_

"Harry? Harry, are you here?" Ron asked carefully and closed the dorm door.

Harry sat up. "Yeah, I'm here. What's up, Ron?"

"Nothing, I just... Thought you may use some company. But I can leave if you-"

"Ron, can I ask you something?"

Ron nodded and sat on his on bed. "Yeah, sure. What is it?"

"How did you..." Harry hesitated. "How did you know?"

"How did I know what?"

"That you love Hermione?"

Ron blushed furiously. "Um... I... I dunno. I just did. Why are you asking me this? You got a girl?"

"Well... Sort of." It was Harry's turn to blush.

"Sort of? What's that supposed to mean?"

Harry took a deep breath. "Ron, I... I don't have a _girl_."

"But you just said-"

"I have a boy."

"Sorry?"

"I have a boyfriend. At least I think he's my boyfriend."

Ron blinked.

"Ron, I'm gay."

Ron blinked again.

Harry sighed. "Ron, did you understand me?"

Ron blinked.

"Oh dear Merlin..." Harry muttered. "Ron, did you understand what I just said?"

Ron took a sharp breath. "You're gay?"

Harry nodded.

"You have a boyfriend?"

"Harry nodded again. "Yes."

"Oh. Okay." Ron stood up. "You have a boyfriend. Okay. That's okay. I got to go."

_Just turn off the lights_

_Don't wanna see me die_

_I look like I'm dead_

_But when you look at me_

_I am still alive _

"Draco? Are you okay, sweetheart?" Pansy Parkinson asked carefully.

"Hm?" Draco glared at Pansy angrily.

"Are you okay?" Pansy repeated.

"Yes, yes. I'm fine." Draco snapped. Pansy gave him a concerned look and left.

Draco sighed heavily. He couldn't take it anymore, he had to see him.

He stood up and left the common room. He walked up to the owls and quickly found his own.

"Hey, Lucifer. Take this to Harry, okay?" Draco tied the letter in Lucifer's leg and let him away. He watched the owl fly out of the window.

_Just open your eyes_

_Don't wanna see me cry_

_I'm right here where you want me to be_

_Fighting with myself_

Harry lay back on the bed. So now Ron knew. He took it pretty well. Better than Harry had expected. He gave a short laugh. Draco would kill him.

Someone knocked on the window. Harry stood up and let the familiar owl in. Lucifer landed on the table and Harry took the letter. Lucifer clicked his beak, but Harry shook his head and Lucifer flew away. Harry opened the letter with shaking hands.

**Astronomy tower. Now. **

Harry raised his eyebrows. Draco wasn't usually like this. But he went to him.

_All I need to feel is your breath on my skin_

_This endless longing between you and me_

_We can't give up now_

_We're gonna make it somehow_

_In my sweetest dreams I'm with you_

_Even if somebody tried to stop my heart_

_I'm still alive I will never give up_

"What took you so long?" Draco snapped but didn't give Harry a chance to answer. He pressed his lips on Harry's and started to unbutton his shirt when Harry pulled away.

"I told Ron."

"What?!" Draco cried and pushed Harry entirely away from him. "You told him about us?" He hissed.

"No. I told him I'm gay. And I sort of told him about you."

"Sort of? Sort of?!"

"I didn't tell your name. I just said that I have a boyfriend." Harry explained.

"You do?"

"Well, that's what you are, aren't you? My boyfriend?"

"I dunno. Am I?"

"If you ask me, yes. Are you?"

"I guess I am."

"I'm glad we finally sorted this out." Harry smirked and kissed his _boyfriend_.

Draco pulled back. "But you told Weasley?"

Harry sighed. "His name is Ron."

"But his last name is Weasley."

"I'm not starting this again."

"Why not?"

"'Cause I always lose."

"I know. That's the fun part in it."

"No, it isn't."

"Oh, yes it is."

"Oh god..."

"Who?"

"I've explained this to you already."

"You have?"

"Why you always act like a five-year-old with me?"

"I dunno. Maybe 'cause you act like a five-year-old with me?"

"Draco, what are you doing?"

"What'd you think I'm doing?" Draco smirked.

"I think you're unbuttoning my shirt."

"No kidding? When you became so smart?"

"Not funny."

"Whatever... you say, darling."

"I hate you."

"I love you too, honey."

"Bite me."

"Okay."

"Ouch! Why did you do that for?!"

"Because you asked me to."

"Oh, just kiss me, will ya?"

_Just turn off the lights_

_Don't wanna see me die_

_I look like I'm dead_

_But when you look at me _

_I am still alive_

_Just open your eyes_

_Don't wanna see me cry_

_I'm right here where you want me to be_

_Fighting with myself, with myself_

"Draco?"

"Yes?"

"Why can't we tell anyone about us?"

"Because they would kill us if they knew."

"But-"

"But nothing. If you would tell your friends that your boyfriend is me, they would try to convince you that I'm only an-"

"Asshole ferret?"

"Arrogant git. Sooner or later you would believe them and I would lose you. And I don't want that to happen."

"So you really love me that much?"

"Who said anything about love?"

"But you do love me, right?"

"Harry-"

"If you don't love me, you will lose me."

Draco sighed. "Harry, I'm not gonna say it."

"Why not?"

"Because-"

"It would make it real?"

"No. Because Malfoys don't love."

"But you do love, so why can't you just say it."

"Harry-"

"I love you, Draco." Harry pressed his lips on Draco's. When he pulled away Draco smirked.

"I love you, Harry."

_Just turn off the lights_

_Don't wanna see me die_

_I look like I'm dead_

_But when you look at me_

_I'm still alive_

_Won't you open your eyes_

_Don't wanna see me cry_

_I'm right here where you want me to be_

_Fighting with myself_

_I'm right here where you want me to be_

_Fighting with myself_

_I'm right here where you want me to be_

_Fighting with myself, with myself_

_Ooh, I look like I'm dead_

_But when you look at me_

_I'm still alive_

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A/N: The end! Review please...


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